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. From one who knowsthepainand loss assoriaiof wi&ijKan^ 
'comes an author determined to alert and inform fee psfc6e^ : 
" about this growing industry of deceit. 

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This book will tell you: 

* "Reversal of Fortune" - the author's story iC|jpl 

• Special Senior Citizens' Section: ti ps, stories an3W 
ir 3 new factors why we get involved hi scams ^- 70+ descriptions dt ti 







■ _ ■ 

H <-T iggy: Thanks for that zine you left us. We're gonna have toilet paper for a fuck' 

Lee , Memphis , TN 

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IGGY: Hey, thanks for the zine! I kind of like it when a zine shows up really late and you'd, 
forgotten all about it, cause then this mysterious envelope shows up at your door_»_ aiidvou j ^ 
get all excited and CUT±<mb.&$ISW&^^ 

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P. o. g, y: /// 2_ 

lear Mr, (IGGY SCAM): The claim you submitted pertaining to your lost luggage has 1 
iewed , and wi hav 






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Continental Airlines 
inconvenience you experienced 
your future transportation needs. 

Sincerely, Continental Airlin 



es, Inc 



Lug qua] ity service and regrets the inc 
give us another opportunity to provide 



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So , die ] 
broke! I : 



ever tell you about the time when I was broke? 1 mean, CCMPLE T ELY 
t even have food stamps. I was so broke. I had spent then- all in 
one week, b> getting up every morning, buying an ranee, and u<irc the change 
t c buy a bottle of vodka! Like I said, we're t a 1 k i n c BROKE! 

had mapped out a daily KaH-Cf -Poverty that took me past the table scraps 
of some of the city's finest restaurants, the currpsters of upscale markets, and 
che backyard fruit trees of the rich end famous. But. before 1 could co on my 
^aiiy search for food, I'd always have to break out the duct tape. My'shoes had 
become so full of holes, that I had beer keepinq them tocether with duct tape 

hen, when they completely fell apart, 1 threw them away, and started wrapping 
the tape arcurd my FEET! It was a long walk. 

inally, the long awaited morning cf my feed stamp appointment arrived 
ws that no true punk rocker can get up at 7:00 AM to co tc these 

to try to walk ercurc and stay awake all night. First 1 wen* 
Denny s, but, since I was broke. 1 could only order hot water 
started cussing et me in Spanish, so 1 had to leave, and start walk 
awake. . : ,as a c c night: 3 * a s only chased 

I will say this for the 



■ n g s , 

; nto 



and the waiter 
re. just t c 
. only chased by three stray dogs, arc 
) stopped, for no reason, by coos, twice. I will 



a r c u r c 



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my 
I £th birthday. 



expectations" . 



ere: they may act like assholes, tut they've never beat me up (this is e^ 
example of the so-called twenty-something generation's "diminished 
j d ^re), Anyways, it wasn't a bad night. I found eight whole oerbaqe I 
bagels in a cumpster! I can't believe thev just throw them away'" 

1 got tc the food stamp office with time to spare, and spent it 
Ebdut the good, old days of welfare, like my first 

ration, only days after 
totally "old school" 
now, after six years 



breathless 
When it comes 



reiriim s c i n g 
excited 



Lately, though, 
welfare r e a f r m . So 

■ c e s this mean that 



When ] started getting them, you only got SI 06 a month. 
with "Cost-of-Living" increases, we're all the way up to 



and 

tc food stamps 
mon" 

y up 



but 



blame 



t h e f O d stem office has been more of a downer. ] 

, wait with this new Welfare Reform Lew, and all 

I won't be able to get food stamps in several different states 
at the sam time anymore? It is, of course, too early to tell, and I haven't ree^" 
•re fine pirt cf the law, but that ;ust may be the case! 

1 know from experience that there ere any number of sweet, old lad<e< 
omcassionate Haitian women, end big-hearted, black ladies who call you "baby" 
nat work as food stamp case workers, here in town, enc always approve your case 
cuestions asked. But it seems like years now that I've beer qettinc touqh. old 
■eicei. valcez is a severe-looking, Cuban guy in his 40*s, who looks at vcu with 
a permanen scowl, framed by a bristly, black coatee. Valdez' 
black and cold, like coel en Christmas morning. Of course 
what goes or inside the head of an inscrutable man 
to think that Valdez me, actually HATE poor people! 

I think back on all the wel 1 -crafted , hard luck stories that I've usee in 
food stamp offices across the country, over the years. In Arkansas, I said I'd 
ton to join an up-and-coming country music band, but got kicked out and 
pawn my guitar. Down in Biloxi, 1 was fired from e shrimp boat, because 
■ better picker then the captain's son. Out West, in Eureka,, when my case 
sked "Are you homeless?", I gave her my most innocent, heartbreak i nc 

Hied, "No, Ma'am. I live in a bush on 'T' Street. All the stories 
roeds leed to the food stamp office. As Valdez starts his usual 
consider that this ridiculous, fictional past is 



hard eyes sta^e tack 
no one really knows 
like Valdez, but I'm starting 



rad 



worker 
look, and 
are the sae 
interrogation, 
as a real future 



not too unlikely 



If Valdez was a cartoon 



you'd always draw him with steam cominc out of his 
He hammers away, 'If you're homeless, where do vou take showers?" Where 

- y °i. f°a°"t °°Vr\ ?*' t Ppdre " t]y ' h3Sn,t "^iderred that homel el s ' peo e may 
net, 1 fact, get to take showers. Valdez gets more and more frustrated as we 
J a ; 1flB M lh l- "nfusing world between my lies, and his total lack of understandi no 
Hit hi ° eS i' l beli6Ve ? n * thi ^ ] sa >- It doesn't really matter w ha e 

1 -u\t nr?n •« " * \ I " ° " * *' , We ] ] ' " hy h * V * n ' t you been Poking for a Job? »■ 
just grin. My girlfriend left me. And I've been drinking ever since!" 






Reluctantly, \alde: finally approves my case, end within en hour. ] hac my 
stamps & r z h ec expertly made several SI. 05 purchases to get enough chance to buy 

tall, ^ce-colc cans of malt liqueur. As 1 recall, malt liqueur tasted good 
that year. But. I had to try and drink the cold beer on the left side o* my mouth, 
because the teeth on the right sice were killing me. Key be my wisdom teeth were 
coming in. Kaybe my teeth were just on the verge of total collapse. Who knows 
these things? 1 often w order exactly where the line between young, excited 
pur. k rocker living in abandoned buildings, a r, c crazy, toothless wire living in 
tre street lies. I've given it lots of thought, and ha\e cecioed that if ell 
m j teeth fell cut, arc I had to get false teeth. I'd just have to 
somehow, like my f r i e r c did when he accident! > cut off his f ircer 

I decided to go see if the Free Clinic could help me with my 
1 had to hop the subway. I felt bad that I had no charge for the 
legs et the foot of the steirs by the main train station. See, ever that shows 
row touch times are. T r e r e usee to be a blind guy et that spot, possibly the 



laugh it off 
at work. 
teeth. First, 
Guy-with-no- 



e s t par herding spot in town. Then there w e s a guy with one hand. Now. its 
uy with re lees, and the one-hancec guy can't get a spct within 10 blocks of 
t a t i o n ! Seen, it'll Just be a little nub, with e cup, and f o 1 k s ' 1 1 still be 
; ' >. i r c r y , saying they den't have any men- 

Wren 1 get to the clinic, I got right in to see the ccc. a real, kindly, 
n 1 1 e , eld Nazi. w 4 1 r stiff, grey sideburns, a set of big, white teeth. e r < c 
i face that seic he'd be happier setting fire to oil wells in Iraq. He 
u n c h e d my nose a couple times, stranclec me e bit. and said ! was 
gc eheac arc give me an appointment for Kay 10 
"sed to be there. At the subway, I igrcrec the 
^ A S 1 N IS A SIN", a n d hopped the rail home. 

got home, though, I couldn't believe my 
21 tbCts in cash from my distributor f 

" v. e r t > - f ^ v e cellars, in these cays, 
writer. 1 used the money to purchase a 



r e 



; ■ 



2 3. e t 
new signs 



6:00 

that 



fine, but that 
AS', anyways. I 

s a i c ""far: 



In the mailbox 

sold them! 



good luck! 
or old magazines I'd 

was a lot of money to a your, c, starving 
loaf of fresh-baked bread, ar onion, are 



four of the finest cuality pens for my writing. Ky 
to me. I ete the bread and onion, in my tiny rccm. 

• g h t in the streets below my window. Then. I ate 

e d a y s . V o u can see that being a young, starving 
us, res its drawbacks. Like, for one thing, 
consider e person el ed:" Y.S.W seeks S . F . . . " , but 1 
my glue stick out of the pawn shop. 

Eut it was a great night there in my room. For 
half-full cars of beer that frat boys threw at me from passing cars, end. now, 
1 finally hed enough to get drunk with, while I listened to music. It was true 
that I only owned one record, but, 1 loved to listen to it, on both the 3 3 R P M , 
end A 5 RPK speeds, all night! 



writing is very importer t 
while watching two men fist 

the pens. I em very hungry 
writer, while certainly 
I can't get a date. I 
ha\e to save my cash to get 

weeks, 1 had been saving the 



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leave, because soon we would be treated, one and all, 

Tension mounted. Could he really du it ?!? Like, without 



But; what 
This 

Chuck Loose 



. to a real, live, gross puking man 1 
People gathered around Ralph 
using his fingers ?!? 

Well, to make a long, painful story short, Ralph just didn't have it that day. He couldn't 
do it. i felt real bad for him; 7 mean, here was a truly tortured artist at work. But \* u 
consolation could you really offer the guy ? "I'm sure you'll puke again, someday"? This 
was getting too absurd! The show was falling apart. The generator wasn't fixed 
buttcrack mocked a drunk and impatient crowd. 

We looked for an outdoor outlet at the park, but couldn't find any. Then, we were 
approached by a mysterious, old, white-haired, Cuban guy, who spoke little English, but merely 
took our extension cord, walked into the park office, and plugged us in! We were saved! 
The SHAFFERS started playing again, and the crowd danced like hell. Dust rose, and beer 
spilled, and spit flew. The show was going great, but when THE CRUMBS were about to pla , a 
young guy in a park department shirt came running up, frantically, saving we had to st 
He said Che old, white-haired guy didn't actually work for the park, and that he just hung out 
there. We didu t have a permit, so we could use the park, but not the power... 

Thinking quick, Tom from Ft. Lauderdale, who had somehow managed to attend the show, while 
being on house arrest, stepped forward and peeled a crisp, new 20 dollar bill out of his 
wallet. Are you sure we can't just use it a little ?" he asked. 

The park kid smiled and took the 20! "Like, I said, you can only use the power for two 
more hours, til 1 get off..." he corrected himself. He was a corrupt, park department 
worker. 01 course, as a Miami citizen, 1 am shocked and outraged at this corruption at all 
-eveis oi city government, but, the show must go on! 

THE CRUMBS played, and then, before AGAINST ALL AUTHORITY could plav, the cops showed up. 
Technically, we were all legal, but would the actual law stop the man from trying to bust our 
music rhe cops talked to the park kid, and... he stayed bought! He told them we were fully 
allowed to be there, with permission from Rivas, and the cops split in 5 minutes! Yo! AAA 
ol course, wrote an anti-cop song about it right there or, the spot. Just kidding. ""^ ' 
, mi ' m ; nne corrupt park guy, the weird, but kindly, old Cuban dude, the cops, and Jose 

I 1 ™ / ay ' thcre was on] >' on * ^st miami-style problem we could encounter (barring 
IZt w I SaiIt . eriJ a "ack): ^urly, gang members from the neighborhood. A bunch of young gang 

were watching the show. They were there with Ivy's sisters, who were in the gang, too 
One ol the kids got moshed too hard during AAA's set, and he took it personally, so he 

moment Ivv^? I * "t ?* ^ '"* ""^ lt alm ° SC g0t rea11 * C ^ but at this crucial 
ister rushed to the stage, grabbed the mike, and, apparently making fun of 



h 



the punk ruck style, she screamed, 



\T"£. A /wo My Si N6 /v\e. a^a^mato /\ so Pe*koj 



»/ 



which Loosely translates as " I love you. If you don't love me, I'll kill vour dog!" And the 
gang kids started laughing at us instead. The rest of the show went fine, everyone got drunk as 
hell in downtown, and CALLE PUNK-0 would go down in Miami historv as a true punk victory 

over the man" 




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jA voodoo curse caused a scuf- 
fle between two neighbors. The 
Fight began about 10:41 a.m. 
Thursday when one neighbor 
accused the other of placing a 
voodoo object on her doorstep in 
the 6400 block on Indian Creek 
Drive. Both women suffered 
minor scratches to their amis. 
Police warned them to stay away 
from each other. 



TO OBTAIN A PRISONER'S RELEAS^i**, Uyi£l) 

A rooster Cemerery dust 
Cotton thread in red. black, white, yellow,^lue, green, and brown 
Sacrifice the rooster to Eleguj. Toast the rooster's feathers 2nd grind 
rhem to a powder. Mix the powder with the dust. 

Tear out the rooster's tongue and wind it tightly in the different colored 

threads. It is to be given to the prisoner to unwind tn his or her cell. 

SprinkJe a light, but steady, stream of powder from the Onsha's house 

to the jail and back again. ^^^^^ 







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LAST SUMMER, I took a vacation to New York City to visit my pal. Little 
; Mike Brad and I jumped trains to get there from Miami We were in a hurry to 
make a deadline, because we wanted to get there in time for THE DICKIES show 
We made it and it was such a great show 1 While I was in New York, I stayed 
at Mike's, but he had to work alot He had a job as a dogwaiker One of the 
dogs he walked was Phil Donahue's Mike said it ate its own shit 1 



Anyway, while Mike was at work, I walked all over the city, or 

hopped the subway, everyday. 1 only had to pay for the subway like 
once, or twice, the whole time I was there* In different parts of town 
I started collecting drug baggies that I found on the ground I got realK 
into it and 1 even convinced Mike to start finding and saving them for me 
to when he was out walking Phil's dog There was a bunch of different 
decorations on them It got so that when i was hanging out with Brad and 
Mike. I'd be paying more attention to looking down and searching the 
streets' I was addicted the drug hagj*ks' ' ! One night, we ran into 
Iggy Pop eating dinner with his girlfriend at some outdoor cafe' But. 
I was still more interested in my baggies 

Well, I found baggies of all different patterns and colors 
They were beautiful' They were realK found everywhere, all 
over town, but there were more, it seemed, around Central Park 



I never did find the "gun print" baggie I heard about, or the 
one with the "kissing lips" on it that Mike told me about, and, 
soon, it was time to leave New York, but I'm still collecting them 
and, hopefully, I'll find them one day In Miami, that shouldn't 
be TOO hard' 




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So. I moved to Ft. looderdale many moons ago because, like, as everybody knows, FT. 
LAUDERDALE IS PARTY TOWN U.S.A.! WHOO! HOOOOO! BOOOBS!! For those of youse 
who doubt it and insist that "yourtown. U.S.A." is THE place to party it down, I believe I need 
only reference the 1962 film "Where the boys are" and it's numerous offspring; just about 
every low budget film that came out in the early to mid eighties which bore the moniker 
"spring break" somewhere in it's title. 'Nuff said, jack. Anyhoo, besides being the (unfortu- 
nately for this party animal, former) spring break capi-_ 
tat of the world, and boasting 



the most tiki-styled bars per 
capita in entire dammned 
United States. Ft. Lauderdool 
bears another claim to fame! A 
LOT OF MUSTACHES! 
Although I'm not sure how we 
rate * per capita" against a city 
where mustaches are REALLY 
king, like, lessee, San Francisco, 
fer example, Ft. Lauderdale's got 
a peck of 'em.. .the main differ- 
ence betweenst the "Ft. 
Lauderdale Moustache" and 




Fig. A Me before; peppy, sassy, 
new wave, antisocial, but happy 



Fig.B Me after. Surly.Figity.Not afraid to use 
Tne word "muff" in normal conversation 



anywhere else though. is it's connotation., to have a "lip buddy" in Ft. Lauderdale means one of three things: 
1.1 really like the guy from QUEEN who kicked it and am trying to carry on his memory.Bo Rhap Forever!" 
2. "I'm underage and trying to fool the 7-1 1 clerk into selling me a six pack of red dog" or 3.1 am a Fort 
Lauderdale guy... I came here on spring break 20 years ago, and never left. I like Jimmy Buffet and can tell 
the difference between a Snook and a Marlin. I drink miller high life exclusively and can tell you the location 
of every clandestine after-hours cocaine bar in the pompano area". Since I've already grown a moustache 
for reasons 1 and 2. Mr. Iggy Scam convinced me that it would be "a good thing" to grow a moustache and 
go undercover the infiltrate the world of #3: The Ft. Lauderdale Guy. It is never a "good thing" to grow a 
moustache, kids. Ask any cop. And anyhoo, I really don't think that Ft. Lauderdale, or even it's surrounding 
county of Broward has any more mustaches than does Iggy's HQ of Dade county... but then again, truth or 
factual accounting don't make for good 'zine writing. ..hum. ."creative embellishment" does. Ho ho! So, all in 
the name of "A funny article for SCAM" I got on down to business... I had my roommates hide my razors 
from me with the agreement that they would not give them back until I resembled Tom Selleck or a reason- 
able facsimile thereof. To begin, I started growing the "Generation x-style goatee" thmgee around my mouth, 
so I would at least be able to go to the punk rock show and not be mistaken for a narc. Once my face was 
heavy with the fruit of my hyperactive teststostorone-producing glands, I trimmed and tapered 
until. ..wahla, .the pride of all leathermen and cops. ..the lip worm! Ech! Ok. so now i gots a moustache. I 
gets an "I eat it raw at the Half Shell Raw Bar" tshirt. I listened to "maragitaville" ten times in a row. and I 
even went on down to a construction sight to get the ambiance goin' and my mojo workin". Wahoo! bring on 
the hot tubs and hawaiian shirts! I am Mister Fort Lauderdale! Hell yeah! Ok. so the first place I decided to 
go to show off my new facial disgrace was,. .where else, einstein? A1A-BEACHFRONT AVENUE' And 
home of the world famous parrothead lounge! For those of you not in "the know". The "worfd famous 
Parrothead Lounge" is "a little out of the way place" on "the world famous Ft. Lauderdale strip" (as the sign 
above the door reads) featuring "Ft. Lauderdale's most atomic 10 cent chicken wings". Egad! What could be 
more a home away from home for a "Ft. Lauderdale guy" like me? I Bellied my newly moustachio'd self up 
to the bar. sure that the bartender would immediately take a liking to the clever tshirt I had chosen to 
wear(see fig. B). the color of which really accented the auburn highlights in my new facial hair. Hot Dawg! I 
ordered a Hot Dawg! Sorry. I just put that in there 'cause it rhymed. ..actually I summoned the barkeep thus- 
ly "My good man!" I exclaimed "I will have one of your finest top shelf Strawberry Margaritas whilst you spin 
me tales of baiting crab traps and all-night booze fueled fishing jaunts at the Pompano Pier." Hmmmm... I 
didn't expect this. Absolute silence. ...the barguy stared right through me. ..was it disbelief 9 disgust 9 was he 
jealous of my moustache? And then it hit me! The bottle thrown at my head from the other side of the bar' 
No. I'm just kidding. Actually what hit my was the realization that the barguy had a nose ring and was wear- 
ing a Jane's Addiction T-shirt. Land Sakes! This guy was 100% Gen-X! He weren't a "Parrothead at all!" 
What gives? Dejected, and actually pretty embarrassed that I had actually let Iggy talk me into growing this 
stupid thing. I sat in the corner of the bar. sucked down my weak and watery margarita and left post haste. 
"Where are the real parrotheads?" I asked myself as I walked down the beachfront. ..indeed' where was the 
"Moustache Nation" I'd heard so much about? With my Moustache-sense pushing me at 1 10V I continued 
onward, searching for a fellow fur face. The only other people I saw bearing the 'stash were a couple of 
cops hangin' out at the Waffle House, and some short waffle-eyed woman who nearly bore down on me. 
astride her runaway 3-wheeled beach cruiser. Then... whatzit?!?... like an Oasis in the desert. .like a candy 
cane to a hypoglycemic. .like. .like. ..urn. ..like a bottle of any kind of alcoholic beverage to my roomates. .there 
it was. ..yes' waaah! the "WORLD FAMOUS ELBO ROOM as featured in 'Where The Boys Are'". Surely this 
would be the Moustache homeland. A REAL Ft. Lauderdale Guy bar! As I sauntered in, I immediately 
noticed the "Moustache friendly" atmosphere. There was a "moustaches only" water fountain. Bathrooms 
labeled "Men", "Woman", and "Moustache",.. yep.. .uh huh. ..well, actually, there was some crappy cover band 
hammering out a pretty rotton cover of "Smells like teen spirit" whilst a room fulla 20-somethmg year old's 
danced in iridescent shirts. Yep, the whole moustache idea was pretty much a flop. ..and in the HEART of Ft. 
Lauderdale, no less. Sheesh. So I went home, dejected, to shave and listen to Motorhead. Fini. 



it 2 uui^wv^ JUz ftri, -±/jl 



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Have you ever said that phrase to any one? The first time I noticed 
someone saying that, it was gay scenes ters saying it to gay punks. My 
roommate Tom used to complain about how he, though very gay with his 
pink triangle pins and public display of boyfriend, would get hissed 
at and sneered at in the Castro, because he was too punk. He told me, 
too, that there was a well-defined schism between the "straight- 
acting, straight-looking" people and the drag queens and queer punks, 
to where there would be opining in the written organs of the scene, 
and accusations back and forth. The straight-actings would use the 
above phrase, and the more flamboyant would reply "Sellout!" or "Go 
back to your closet!" 

Tom's not my roommate anymore, he moved to L.A. and builds cool little 
machines out of outdated nuclear technology. In SF there evolved this 
sort of punk-oriented bike scene, people making bike actions and bike 
games and riding and drinking and carousing, and even doing politi- 
cal-type, anti-corporate environmental activities. As time has gone 
by, though, I noticed an increase in the usage of the above phrase. 
Once in the Mission, I was juggling a beer and tooling around at 22nd 
and Bryant when a sour-looking cyclist road up to me and said, "Get on 
the right side of the street! It's people like you who are RUINING IT 
FOR THE REST OF US!" 



[ifcyl^frfflA^ 









O 



I think, now wait a minute, the oil companies are sponsoring political 
murders in Nigeria, and environmental terrorism and brainwashing all 
over the globe, and some goody two shoes cyclist thinks a drunk punk 
aimlessly trolling a near-empty intersection in the Mission is RUIN- 
ING IT? That little incident, repeated hundreds of times, signalled 
splintering and infighting amongst those who have the energy for that 
kind of thing, and the rest of us have just gone about our business. 
This phrase is a symptom, like hives or night sweats, of an insecure, 
defensive and self -abnegating mentality. Whenever it's used , it's 
used to put down people who have TOO MUCH IN COMMON. It specifies that 



the RUINER is also one of US. 

I'm sure you've noticed it in the punk scene. You may even have said 
it to someone. Someone said it to me, for graffiti. A punk telling 
another punk YOU"RE RUINING IT over graffiti? I have always consid- 
ered graffitti to be one of the Articles of Confederation of punkdom. 
If we can't do graffitti, at least, are we really punks anymore? You 
know, there comes a time for many people when they DO want to quit 
being a punk. There's no shame in that, I guess. But you can't have it 
both ways. You can't quit being a punk, then go around in punk's 
clothing telling other people they're wrecking the scene. 
When punks have to attack their friends to protect their scene, then 
its TOO LATE I The enemy is already within. 
Fuck THE REST OF THEM! 





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GOD PUNISHES 

THE EAT 




WEDNESDAY JULY 15 

THE EAT s 



NEWWAVE 



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• • ■ • • 

IGGY: So vou guvs started playing in 1980? 

MIKE: So. it was 1978. My brother had this basement— it was like the only one in Florida, up 

bv che Broward/Dade line... 



Why'd you guys stBtt 

Why'd you guys scare playing? Were you guys punk rockwers? 

No. There were no punk rockers. My brother and Cotcie were 



in councrv cover bands. 



Back i 
1972. They all meC when Eddie and Cotcie boch answered Che same ad in che music paper. It was 
with this guy who was a roadie for che Jefferson Airplane. He wrote rock operas, and thought 
he was real brilliant. 
I: You mean, he did aloe of drugs. 

H: Yeah. He did codeine and wrote rock operas. I was only 15, so I was cheir little roadie. 
Their first gig was in the cripple ward ac Jackson Memorial Hospical! They did BYRDS covers, 
Jefferson Airplane... a couple of the guy's little rock operas. This was in 19.3. 
I: uh. . . That's when we were born. 

M: So they're plaving and its all chese cripples in bed* burn victims and shit. They ?^ c 

horrible. Horrible! Buc che doctor casus up and cold them that this was really che best kind 

cherapy for these people. 

I: Would you say vour audiences todav arte similarly crippled? 

M- well .". We've seen some prettv strange shit looking off that stage over the years... 

Anyways! they kept playing through the 70' s as a cover band. Eventually, Cortie went on tjur 

with David Alan Coe... 

I: The cocaine snorting, fighting freak 1 

»: Yeah, he did coke with George Jones... Anyways, 1 took over on drums. We played T 

CHEAP TRICK. ROXY MUSIC... We were called The Fire Ants for awhile, but one day we 

around practice talking, ind I was saying "Well, We eat. It Eats. Everything eats 

became The Eac . , . 

I: uh... that's pretty heavy, man. "Everything eats"... And what kind of drugs were 

M: Mostly just marijauna with i few other chemicals... 

So. Cottie got kicked off the David Alan Coe tour when ne broke his foot 

imi. Our guitarist quit, so I went to guitar, and Cottie joined up. That's when we decide 
play originals. We wrote "Dr. TV", "C atholic Lov e". 



* 



ere sit : : 
So, We 



came back Co 



;;•••> 



progression 



* LAST CHANCE - * 



fHL 
SRT 



THE EAT "&CfrAJ/c u ! 

I: Did you guys Listen to punk? 

M: Yeah, by then we listened Co Raraones, New York Dolls.... It was a natural 

from che glicter shit. We made a conscious decision: "Let's go punk." 

I: So you didn't have red hair, or a mohawk, or anything? 

M: No. There was no punk. I was 21 years old when I just "went punk." 

The whole punk scene was THE CICHLIBS who were like power pop with a few covers. THE POLICE 

played in 1978. Thac was where aloe of Che people who became punks later met. Suddenly, it 

all just exploded In 19"9, but it was dangerous, bee »use people were real threatened by it. 

Ther o was always peop e who came to shows jusc to fuck with vou rednecks, and shit. 

\\*.V*X*»I^^* • * o.«g^'.-.-«%vv>:oc«Av.*." ."•'■"•X*»-' * ' • *""" i 

THE &AT S . Dl SCO ^nt> THE Soua> D 6"V . 

... .-.-.-.-.v.' jp.---- Jt Wt i C C OMW«tt.%V'»:'y.w.-.'.-. , , 

I: Wait, this is getting dull. Did you guys ever kill anybody, or what ... 

M: Well, we did drop a cinder block on this guys head once while we were playing 

asshole. He was very surprised, because most people don't expect musicians' to drop cinder 

blocks on them. 

I: Was he a na=i, or something? 

M: We could have been the nazis... We were a mean ass group. 

■j: Sue weren't there more mean people around? 

H: Yeah, evervone wis pissed off cuz they thought we were crying to destroy music as t: 

knew it... We'd get this sneering criticism in The Miami Herald. We got in the Herald tor 

plaving a "Punk meets Disco" party in the Grove somewhere. The disco people unplugged us 

the first song, "Jimmy B. Goode", which we always opened with! So, the guy from Mouth ot t 

Rac fanzine, .David Parsons, took a picture off the wall and soashed it and the glass frame 



He was a re 



he 






got all over and cut all these disco people, 
but somehow we got away. It was like 5 punks, 
I: ind the disco people were on cocaine... 



They were bleeding ill 
and 200 disco fucke 



over. The cops cane 



...••••■ 



I Eventually, 
know, if you lik 



^IW.hty -THE WEASELS 

.* * PREMIER CLUB J*? 

715 S. 21 AVE "921-637 

Rl&SAT* 

mm g 

Urusl lb ' 



H: You bet... So It w»s In the paper. They said we were ruining everything... 

as im put out records and Stuff ■ they went as fjr as St "Well, this is OK, ya 

this sort of thing...* 1 Also, we had some trouble at our second show, up in Boca, at FAU. 

I: FAU' 1 That's where av and IB BeoJ are fron! You could, like hit a baseball from our houses 

to FAU Cappus. . . i 

M: Wow, Our 2nd show was there with THE CtCHLIDS in '79. We were OK. But when THE CICHLLDS 

started playing, they were kicking the monitors and stuff, so the sound guy wanted to fight 

thus. Sound guys always hated punk bands. 

I: Yeah, I've alpost beer, beat up by the sound guy a bunch of ttases. What's up with that Shit 

B: Yeah, like the rednecks don't coot to shows to fight you anymore , but thfck there's still 

the fucking sound guy! 



w 






;; 

ff;, 






t-j- : . -/•»*»•.. _■„■ 

yetting cu be Erom here, so why not? "Honey for the 
c River Caps iFor out ot toutieras : The cops In Che 80' s used 
could sell it themselves! Lsn't that tad? That led to the " 



a dc 



, It ' V' 1 *. ' '• " '.i » VI* .- . .* 
3; You ^uvb sine, ttsouc Miami jlot... 
H; *eli, its sort jf a perverse thing 
Police"-- chac'tf i soiit; i bout th 

;j seize Coke shipments so cney 

River Cop case) 

"Hianieah"-- tnut's about the racetrack. . . 

I: 3ut wait... •hat ate the actual lyrics to "Communist Radio"? No one knows 

H: Yj know, those are just bullshit lyrics. He were filming this video thing and the song didn 

Ivrics, iii I just made 
but I never got j round to 
boots but they didn't show. I got caught up 



U/»v 1*^.4^0/0 !\}*I\>.rbV mh^ v u ^ mow - .-/ 



IK dLLUJl LVML3 CU UkJQUUlUah ndUiU iTU UHE *v..i--wj. 

: bullshit lyrics. Ue were filming this video thing and the song di 
le 'en up on the spot. I always expected to go back and change 'em 
it, I'm pretty sure its "I walked nut on the Indian Ocean. I wore 
i. I gat caught up in the commotion. Communist Radio"... 



;dv 



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fTH£ EAT '£ 'fljo T<M*>' 

i; So you euya ictually went on tour* tk 

n: f*ah in 1980. 4« lid : ahowa In Sew York City. 2 anew* In Sorts Carolina, t couple in 
Florida. Jfle In Atlanta... [t waa good. «a brought guna md aloe of jpead- 

.^3 '!7 wliat For? tad MUal atyla? 
Ill a: sanager un a 4 un collector nu[. w>en we left jn EBur, ha ?reaant*d ,i all with Jur >- 
*un. rhln|i war* going jooo JO tout. Bu: on Eh* way ijci -- we'd been Joint MM if i;c.J * 

ill w«*k~ ie*'i acart arguing J" fl then tnreecenlnt fjci other wlEh th* juna- It an a bad .; 
I. Jhat about Tttd idt Coka mirror that Chris Cattle -.ai' ^ 

Kl Jur sanager 3ade Chat, too. He'd awk* lit shirt., sUkecrean .tick 

I : sake e«iw a::rj[»... 

it Jejn, nn* :.d[! :c j» fun, in *u*t jjve ill th« atuii ..j. 
I: rtow tfvrt -ht Jhown un t&WV? 

Hi Th« Saw 'fork rJity jni< wara JalrJ. Ja pUyui) with 1(>o« weira Stat 
t Brucit SprintiCean cimr bjnj. Tht Oralliu ihaoa want ir.ii. u« wa 
trsa Htdati >nd thay uisn't naua two* ttMtti to :n«» lewaa i» 
Hi Mava .'on laan tria vldag whara w.'re ?laylnt It tfla 41 Jp 
waa r.yH liter that tout- 

II ::> til dH us. 3iata in ft. Ljudarilaia Datn thr tr.icaa 
fat Ait Icesral* were lattr {fZ-ii>. 

■ ' So fkit! la thit th« ana mat .'citvrns afeof*. it tfeH .uun^ pan] :ne=.i ind EM ,/ounf A« 
tlCMI aoahlEit tagttdWf LB tha crowd? 

3- So. ttiat'a i ijy Cwwpdva tn 9on4.i^e ihow. . . lEd. nol^: Hlc.rv I* r«4ll ::,.r TlariCJ. 
tnay ire nam janaaad nl Etiwlr root* ind i<ny it...) 
Ll Didn't you |uya JuaC ^lv< iw.iy /our racarda, I 

1: g aU, wa <ivi away Jlot it '.;». Jt tlrat *at lur ?'" an Sew Yur's Eva '79-/M. It w.i 
"Sn W<va Vjm !,.«'•" with Tilt COSTORTIOfIS it tha SaaflM »iattjl rn«.itwr. :000 jMO^ta a 
ILifcu I ton at" racordt iHlt Lntii Lha crowd... thay wara tatting steps**) jn, arotvn. 

IM :n>u In worth i tort it Mltvy... 
1: (*an. I's uditinii ;.vr tin- jr.u- to to ip w : '" n.:. I ha jnci ; *ot Usi... 



n :i- i in <illa, md 
tna njicy ju'.i Sir: 



toak ir.d Kacorda.' 1| Thar 
a, wtwra tna ^udhcwaa and 



f 

P- 

I 



in4 itfw* 
TIM -tiJi louli 



:r. : * 



aw 4iC£«r«nc*a in thuvi n« 

nil. tr-« .r-^wd iltwi jr« »bouc Uht 

:t rf^» pfttCty = id iCJicjoi. : ;nt>ii»;hc . SO 3u md Hood itooekad -us 



ruck -uti. LuEL^ruir: 



out by dropping 1 zlndtf t>Ucit *>n hi* rit.id. isiJ cnttn -- toon i 
-ilond wilaritit: wt| Jn wtuIb h« vji pja^tti jut.,, 
H] #Vnorh*r 4lff*r«nCH tl Tbu Ejc Jldn'i jc.mJ ifuunj tuning, a 
ion&* for an ^flur inil Jh*n vou'J enc Jttjitjuv j'&g'j bu CJC-til 
Lj: I'd tabmy* cut ay rL^ht flni|«r jpen, fuic pljyLni no turd. 

•JVaf av 4ullaic. For >js# LNMtMtli I BttlN 
wish THE QRUC JirVRS... : U »C rht ij(. Aij 

soon* b< Immta, id cbey'dl :ry ta st«p 



nch j£ plcCUft 



r w-i3Cina| ilfic, WE'd ?L*jf 23. 

y jDJAtid md fuetUsd Jp ■ UlCti 
inrj sliitjii d'ogld -tp;j:i K : Ul 
t 4h«n i pUyvd wici iiOULD OPEJU. or now 
iijndi hjct.-d jtner mnss. Thvy -til rncu^c th 






I 



cu vour »h.owi in 1980 1 * 
croaucrit far juf .**t raunlon. 



I'l |Ud I'. itlll 



few r>uckj» jnd 







PREMIER CLUB 

.71 S S. ll »w«: .-*; 

* Hollywood 

fgl t SAT. ; MAY ?*IO 









1: 4hara ire tha pwopia now who CM 

Hi Vhu knows? Aiot MM Jut of 

It. I'll Ha Joint ^ til ['■ da- . . . 

tl 3Ld ,.ou avar thin, you'd Kill t» ?Uymt in 199?? 

Ml No way. I f1»M|lll In . It'. It'J ba i polica tUMt which It ion it 11 

1; That 'a CM* you llv* in Irovard. Down htra , you can Jupt jlva tha iopt 

|Ood 1 

Hi !'■ aurprlsad that punk turnad into this whola Ulaacyla tfllnt... da wata Juat incUai 

• hlCCy Job a j r. s trying to mi It through tna waak. Vt won ilk* normal |uya una Bliyad In ■- 

sand... 

I: Ara The tat playing avar again? 

H: Yach. Ivy iiyi w* haw* to play In June, id I guaa 

Cat won't did. aVra It 111 trying to kill .' 

I: Hew about "Kill Tha Eat! Sight"...? You ;ould bring a uiifn and tat Ln traa... 

s- ktall, tha thing 1*. wa could Juit die. inywayi. fou •*• Cottle; ha'i a walll:it Mart 

attack... da could ha<r< died at our Lial ahow. Ha. too. Utte old... 



ya'H do -thaittivtr tht uyr SLmaha 





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THREAT, c*^ ^£ CD f S*i+'i &.°* Locals £fHSM^ HJ£C££iI J^F 



li r ^e^w^v+ft£ / c.^£-Cfc CM* Airifct'S Q&£Arr /*&^ $4+4 y*itH 
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. .Ian HELPED a store security 
guard apprehend two people who 
were shoplifting at Walgreens at 
2975 SW 32tKl Aw. early Tuesday. 
.-is the man left the store, he 
hcara* the thieves tell him, 
""You're a dead man." The man 
went home and at about noon 
that dav qs he, walked along Day 
Avenue and Mary Street, the sus- 
pects and three accomplices 
approached. One hit him on the J 
right side of the face with al 
broomstick, and the other rob-j 
i hers started to punch and kick 
him. The robbers then took his 
S20 wallet, which contained 
i S760 and identification, and fled. 

he victim was taken to the hos- 
pital. 



PAINT IT ... LAVENDER 

Earth tones apparently aren't good 
enough for Victoria Park. Just over a 
week ago. a mystery painter coated the 
fancy natural-tone columns that mark the 
entrance tu the east Fort Lauderdale 
neighborhood with a more attractive! 
lavender hue 

The painters weren't vandals. Theyl 

were careful and professional, ensurinj 

| Hold letters on the column weren't 

- allied by their purple passion. 

Fort Lauderdale officials — while noj 
■ •specially upset by the paint job — undid 
ihe work in time for a ceremony tu dedi] 
rate the concrete hulks. 

Tin sure I'll hear all about how mud 
•rople liked the purple : " City Engineei 
I t Castro told the Herald. 



Oti^Tf*** ^itM THE SCA/h? 

OK Stow, V**-tO *C* rW»6feO ^ rtlTtoWyAf.* IA> rtSToAHA+J* 

,-Hu e x. ^h t^iTt* ^ « i**» uMi 6A * ***f *. ***** 

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BRICKELL VILLAGE 

Publix 



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OPENING MAY ; 96 

DEVELOPER: CORAL WAY VENTURE 



LP 




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C o?<jJlt ijomI <fa«6 THAT 'J K>i^t* ^M it S%^» D f ^/ f ^c /hW 



Gourmet Survivor-Pak 

7V /Jo? of Both Our Dehydrated taui 
Frvezr-Dried No-Ctwk' Meals. 



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MALT UQVQR OUTLET, TYP/C#U-Y 
fOUtfP tfiR0{j£>rt6\JT WESE S&FTOE 
i^diAJ- INCOME flRe/fc. 




the. 6cy ihere is funny, ffB 

UtuAL-L-Y EXPECTS ft "TIP" 



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A. <-«*& DiblAi-Kt BUS LEAVE! 
THE, HIGHWAY 



TO l-WKC ANOTHER. S top 
ON TME ^>A1N STREET UP 
AMOTHiK. STUNTEb CITY 



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The I.N.S. Building is right by my house 



It is, somewhat ironically, 1 



think, located only a couple blocks from the huge, old watertower, by the 
railroad tracks that says, "WELCOME TO MIAMI", real big on it. 

For weeks, the lines out front of the building had been getting longer arte 
longer. Riding my bike home at 4:00 AH, I'd see the first handful of families 
gathering outside, pacing ana waiting for the building to open, with envelopes 
and papers in hand. The whole city was in a panic, because of two new laws that 
were going into effect on the first of the month. One, a new welfare reform 1 a« 
would deny benefits even to legal immigrants. The other was a new, tougher 



immigration law that made citizenship narder to attaii 



and could, depending on 



how it was enforced, cause whole families to be deported, even if they hac ;oas 



and had been in the country 



• o r 



years 



Al I 



>er Miami, people were lining up at 



• elfare offices to find out their welfare status. Many others were arranging 
last minute marriages to U.S. citizens. The IKS hac to issue a statement sa/ing 
tnat marriage wouldn't effect status under the new law. 

No one seemed to be able to say, for sure, what the new law would change. 
and every one was afraid. An elderly Cuban immigrant with AIDS, quite blea>1j 
summed up the city's mood when he made front page news by ci mm it ting suicide, arc 
leaving a note saying that he would have had no way to survive without his 
monthl y SSI check . 

Obviously, having a signifigant portion of the city's people suddenly lose 
their income and having businesses sudaenly lose their employees to deportation, 
was a huge economic time bomb for Miami. But what was worse, 1 felt, was tit- 
lines, themselves. Long lines of ten-ifiec people facing casual, bureaucri-. t e 
cruelty, in public. It was making my city a grimmer, more unlivable place to 
How many fucking hoops does someone have to jump through, anyways, before the 
government will say, "OK, you're a real person, now"? 

On the last night before the law went into effect, I was ricing by at 2 : C 
AM. and there were already 150-200 people there! Whole families with lawnchairs 
and blankets, out on 79th street. ! «as riaing along, feeling sort-of disgust e o 
that all I could do was think. "Duh. What a fucked up situation..." I wished 
ther was something I had to offer them, or some way to let them know that not 
everyone here wants them to leave. 

Thinking of lines made me think of free food. Then, I thought, well, what 
if, while waiting six hours through the night at 79th and 3iscayne, with all tie 
rats, drug dealers, prostitutes, and cops, the people had some food offereed 
to them? I saw a couple people in line with Duns in' Do nuts cups, and then I 
realized that Dunkin' Donuts was only a couple blocks away, ana tnis was ngnt 
about the time of night that they'd be throwing out the day old donuts. It see~ec| 
like it'd be pretty eat/ to convince the 0.0. crew to just give them to me . 
instead, ana then I could bring them over to the line for anyone who wanted then 

The Haitian girl who works the night snift at Qunkin' Donuts there i pretty 
nice. She's given me free donuts aefore. I told her about the nuge line, and 
said I wanted to take the day old donuts over there. I was pretty sure ;ne 
understooc what I meant, but she doesn't speak English that well. I tola ner 
I wantea them in Dunkin" Donuts bags, and she said, "OK, go out sack ana wait, 
before the boss comes back." 

Out back. I waited awhile. Finally, the back door opened and this white 
cuy, with a buzz cut comes out with a garbage bag, full of the donuts. Wait' A 
garbage bag ?!? Before I knew it, he was swinging the bag over his heaa, so tnat 
he could throw it over the fence, into the dumpster. I yellec, "Hey 1 You don't 
nave to do that: You can just give them to me." 

"No way!" he snaps. "Can't ao it. I have to put them IN the trasn." 



I say, "What the fuck 



m rignt here. Ho one cares 



th you peopl 



every night 



"No way. Can't do it. I go through this shi 
1 could lose my job." 

A quick look around the surrounding parking lot reveals one rat running 



up a tree 
with n i m s 



and an old, black man, on a bus bench, having a spiritrj crversatior 



elf. 
I yell, "Bullshit! There's nobody here to see, but you and me! Who's going 



to know?' 

But its too late 
open on the ground. ' 
he shuffles back inside the back door 



He throws the bag. It misses the dumpster, and split: 



1 can't lose my 



he repeats, over his shoulder, as 



The bag 



it turns au 
it looks like what it is: 



t, isn't really broken too baa, but, in a garbage bag 



I wonder for awhile whether I should go over to the line with these donuts. 
at all, but I finally decide to ride over with them and check it out. Maybe the 



isual 79th street homeless ere* 



(Quid wart them. 



But, when 1 get there, 1 can see rignt away that I've made a terrible 
mistake. I'm a sweaty, purple-haired, white guy, freak, waving around a s a s 



'Uh. 



of 
Dunkin' DonutS just 



trash on 79th street, like its lunch, or something 

gave me these to give to anyone who wants them...", 

of people. They all stare, in horror, like I'm crazy. 1 realize that I must be 



I say, feebly, to a couple 



insulting them pretty nara 



I feel completely, hopelessly idiotic, and mumble 



a couple of apologies, and ride home, where I can lay awake in my nice bed, ai 



feel stupid 



But its not all bad 



right' 



At least o 



1 ' Buzzcut still has his fucking job 



c^a^ ^J^^^b jW^Y- {j^u^ a^J (pj^ f 

r % fitter fc.W*- 






4i*m { X^&wv^&fd^ 





AUTHORS NOTE 



This has been a novel about some people who were punished 
entirely too much for what they did. They wanted to have a 
good time, but they were like children playing in the street; 
they could see one after another of them being killed — run 
over, maimed, destroyed — but they continued to play any- 
how. We really all were very happy for a while, sitting around 
not toiling but just bullshitting and playing, but it was for 
such a terrible brief time, and then the punishment was be- 
yond belief: even when we could see it, we could not believe 
it. For example, while I was writing this I learned that the 
person on whom the character Jerry Fabin is based killed 
himself. My friend on whom I based the character Ernie 
Luckman died before I began the novel. For a white I myself 
was one of these children playing in the street; I was, like 
the rest of them, trying to play instead of being grown up, 
and I was punished. I am on the list below, which is a list of 
those to whom this navel is dedicated, and what became of 
each. 

Drug misuse is not a disease, it is a decision, like the 
decision to step out in front of a moving car. You would call 




Tne basemeni makes a good station toealionjJ it^ry 

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I Went to a Barbecue with the Dalai Lama's Hinja Bodyguard 

This summer, Student for a Free Tibet got passes to Lollapalooza . M"**,^ 

the heavy temptation to scalp the tickets, I started P^nni.g o-. 

was pretty funny trying to get people together - Id call th^ P^^ gQ? „ 

Columbia and NYU ana go "hey, I got free tickets 10 u f ld th rough 

College students are easy prey... No one really believed we o 9 

with it, so they all guiokly agreed "help out with my pljnfo.gu^ 

theater. It wasn't til about the day bef r th «nce t whj 

getting nervous: "uh, what do mean I have to dress HKe a 




a was ripe for takeover. 

demonstrators", who 
ns, waving a Tibetan flag, 

imagine, this was a bit. 
hat was going on. Enter 
rators, knocking them dowr 
y got everyone's attentio: 
ndering "who are those 
Next (this was the hard 

to people and passed out 
-mode and were impossible 

to want to talk to us. 

pack of skin heads who 
but mostly it went 




The bands sucked, the crowd was bored. Lo^P 3 ^ 00 * 
We had a couple people dress up as "peaceful Tioe.a., 
ma-ched up to the bleachers and began shouting sloga 
and holding a "China out: of Tibet" sign. As you can 
out of place at Lollapallooza, and people wor.aerec * 
the Chinese Occupation Force, who charge the _ demons t 
and kicking and clubbing them senseless. This reaii 
- now hundreds of people are squinting aown at us wo 
guvs, and why are they beating up those other guys, 
part) we went up into the stands and actually talked 
fivers. Some people quickly snapped back into drone 
to reach, but lots of them were still curious enough 
Some of the response was pretty depressing, like tne 
wanted to know if we needed any help beating them up 
pretty well . 

This was a HUGE improvement over the year before wher. "£« »* cSnfuseT' 1 

and wondered why no one would tax* to u * e *cept ro. * „ and said "Uh, like, 

drunk. (Several people came up and point e J to our banne. and saio , 

how do I get a 'free tibbet'?) Guerrilla ^ea.er ,/orks^ '^ ge ? people 

anyway, but at least they went our with style. 

A few of us went down to Florida a while ago ^/*f ^^A^d* completely 
Splendid China. It's a theme park, m ^e shadow of Disney Woria P ^ 
owned by the Chinese government. I'm not ■£«J^J | "g erae pSrte" . Vou should 
Miami Herald wrote a piece calling it the tor.u er s tneme p rdest 
check it out (after hours) some time - it's got to be one ?; * h %"^™ eplic „ 
exhibits of propaganda anywhere. They've got a miniature Gr eat Wa U rep. 
of palaces they destroyed, and little prostrating figurines all ove. 
piace. It's a trip. 



Anyway, 

hardcor 

day. A 

chantin 

funny - 

police 

Captain 

"Sarah, 

coopera 

with re 



we blocked the entrance by locking ° u » el *« ^f 6 -^ ^ '£ 'the 
e Greenpeace-inspired gear, and snut tne place down for most o tr 
busload of Taiwanese showed up to help us out, burning f lags ana 

sistmg arrest?" 









n»3m - 






^s^ 




, lit ilMiHIIIIII I I Ml ___ 

We weren't really all that slick though, and we couldn't quite get the hang of 
our Greenpeace gear. Once the cops figured out that we weren't chained 
together as permanently as we said we were, they just pulled us apart. "Hey, { 




lan, that hurts!" I said. "It's gonna hurt - it's called a pain pry", repliea 
the cop, smiling for the first time. Oh. Still, they had to call the fire 
department with the Jaws of Life or whatever in case they needed to cut the 
stuff off of us, and the chaos lasted for several hours. We watched station 
wagons full of little kids with their faces pressed to the glass start to 
drive in, and then turn around in a near panic when they saw the scene we 
created. Hi kids! Free Tibet - torture isn't splendid! 

A few months ago, eight Tibetans went on a hunger strike in front of the 
United Nations - pledging to go until death if necessary. You would laugh if 
you heard how little they were willing to die for, but it's still much more 
than the UN offered. If it wasn't for the intervention of the Dalai Lama to 
end the strike on the 13th day, I have little doubt that there would've been 
dozens of deaths by now. There was a whole list of Tibetans who were ready to 
takethe place of anyone who died, to make sure the hunger strike could 
continue. 

As you can imagine, working with people who are that commit 

pretty humbling. I feel sort of uncomfortable talking abou 

or tried co do, co help them out. Cue time this monk came 

just escaped from Tibet, having spent around 27 years in pr 

tortured him pretty badly, but his mind was in good shape. 
t someone introduced me to him, he got really emotional - he 
■ over and over for my help. He wouldn't let go of my hand. 

rreaKed me out pretty bad - what do you say to somebody who 

nothing but sacrifice, standing there and thanking YOU for 

Since China invaded Tibet in 1949, over a million Tibetans have died at the 
_ hands or one of the most brutally oppressive regimes in the history of 
j mankind. People are being tortured to death in secret cells for no q-eate>- 

cnme than daring to speak out in public. There's a lot more to say, but i- 

' l°t - re lnterested you can find out for yourself easily enough. Reading is 

FuNaamental . ' 

j I'm 27 now, and like most of you I've seen a lot of shit go down in this 

| country - enough to make me want to punch someone in the face when they start [ 

talking about how this is a free country, or spouting some fucking bullshit 
. about their "rights" or the constitution. I've been beaten up by cops, I've 

seen women clubbed senseless for exercising their "right" to peaceful protest,! 

and i ve gotten frantic calls in the middle of the night from friends in jail.V 

Et faking cetera. You can get all the evidence you could ever want that the 
j land of the free ISN'T just from the front page and the 6:00 news. No shit, 

iignt. So there are plenty of reasons to be pissed off in this country, and 

there s a lot to fight for. All of this is what makes it difficult for some 
. people to understand why I have dedicated so much of my time to helping Tibet 
< Some people think the situation in Tibet is hopeless, some say Tibet will be 

free within two or three years. All I know is, if no one fights back, it's 

over - whether it's in ' 



ted to freedom is 
t what I've done, 
to the u"S . He ha< 
ison. They had 

Anyway, when 
kept thanking me 

The whole thing 
se whole life was 
helping out? 



» 








LOR-VDAr ft*to SMVK&UE.K.S 



: r : ■■■ 
since 

life. 



Florida's always been the k,nc of place where anyone with I boat, or a 
Plane, can find someone to meet the, in a ma par king lot »»J tc«J 
of ca^h' With 3,400 miles of coastline, countless c.res of uno pu . a - 

d farmland to'land planes on, and a con v en i ent pro x i m y § o £ or « ^ ; 
orld island nations, Florida's al way s been a s™99' ^ - 
the rumrunners of Prohibition, smuggling ha, been «, p« 
in subtle ways, like the occasional story ir 

grouper -- washing up o n lllc 
■ brand new Mercedes with p a p i 

^u" r Then U 'th Pe e?e^ lUi'lm" ways, lite the t1.< 

tailed by 



Somet ime 



of 
the 



about a bale of pot -- the so-called ''scare 



:■: 



South Florida 
Hersi d 



1 98 ". 

FeGS . A/-0 




:ne 



; h ^ vie UI on ui r i wu i u i i. i mii ■■-- - ,j ; , _ ; 3 - >- = r ' •' 



ig 

from ! 

r,en in town, Miami ma' 
after the Hurricane of '26, and 
s t e a c y flow of liqueur to tourists 
hotels. The violation of Prohibit! i wa 
t h e c 
- 
,. e ■- e outraged... at the Coast G u a r d i 

Cuba m a s w here the g o - ■: rum came 
smugglers. But, under- cruel d i c t a t o r _ 
Gal Id' (The cock), because of his P c 1 1 c y 
castration . 
_ guns to revo 

By the ! 9 7 ' s 
was a major e 

school kid, 1 knew what the guy 
wild, oil -night parties, me a 
Fvr.nrts". In a December , 



to survive the lean n 

years of the Depression, by p r o v i 
from the dryer North , at 
11 known and out 



fancy, Miami 
in the open 



Beach 
'.■.' h e n 



have 



c r 

"El 



from, and n a S a fairly s a r e 
Ger a r do Mac ha do , who was It no *t n a s 

of torturinq student activists 
smugglers who tried to make money on the return trip by brings 

he said he was working in "Import 

issue of M i a m i magazine, a Ft. Myers 




fl?» 



WMfH**Vi**'U TH£ «k A*»mc4 gi*fr" Br &*&*! ^ 



Finding suitable planes was never a problem for drug smugglers. There 
were thousands of planes sitting around Florida's airports that one could 
buy. lease, borrow, or steal for a quick run to Colombia. "Back in the 
earlv eighties." one airport manager told me, "most of the dopers used 
cheap thro wa way planes. You could find them anywhere, and get them 
fixed up enough to make a run or two. 



I 



2$j 



& 










Miami were 



SfU. 



up 
t c 

stuff 
I 



same size shipment 
and other drug 

the mal 1 parking 
parking lots, 



let 

2 ■ :: 







hearings id 1981, that between. 100 and 150 million dollars in 

"directly attributed to the affluence generated by the narcotics traffic." 

In the early days of pot smuggling, the smugglers had a good image as good. 
old boys with boats, or planes, who were just out having fun, and trying to make 
a cood'livinc, by beating the cops and bringing in something that everyone 
wanted anyways. On the Labor Day, 1977, Jerry Lewis Muscular Dystrophy Telthcn 
even, two mysterious, bearded guys appeared, on live TV, donating S 1 , i *f £* SK 
"for the kids, from the Blockade Runners."! Later, when the risk of smuggling 
increasec, with greater coast guard presence, many smugglers switched to th 
more valuable Cocaine. Much more money could be made with the 
of cocaine. This led to the gun battles in mall parking lots, 
violence that M i a m i a n s have come to know so well. What's with 
lot thing anywav? 1 wonder if they all started meeting in mall 
before, or AFTER, MIA M I VICE ? 

Drue planes landed everywhere. Smugglers would pay farmers, upstate, to 
them lane on their farm, and pay a local sheriff 55 0,000 to just stand there 
make sure nothing went wrong. Before the stretch of I -95, between Ft. Pierce 
Cocoa was completec, planes would use the paved part as a night time runway. 

Boats could make it in, anywhere, too. One Ft. Laucerdale operation bo. 
expensive houses on Ft. Lauderdale's canals, and would bring boats right up 
the back door! Then, they'd hire elderly couples in winnebagos to crive the 
north, out of Florida, and they'd hire Krishnas to watch the stuff, became 

knew the Krishnas wouldn't take a n Y ! 

With all this cash around, the Miami Police decided they wanted a cut, * 
In the early 'BO's. the force was ordered to comply with new affirmative actior 
laws, and to have all officers live within the city limits of Miami. Since the 
cops were overwhelmingly white, and lived in the 'burbs, there was a frantic 
sver amble to fine new cops, and almost anyone was hired, whether they pasie: 
all the tests, or not. For a couple years, the city was plagued by these new cops 
w ho would take bribes, steal evidence, and even do stuff like pick up prostitutes 
and use their badge to get a free hotel room! Then, the "Miami River Cops", came 
along. They would work together to stake out and catch drug dealers, so that they 
could seize the drug shipments and sell them themselves! Yo! They 
get their name on the same night, when they raided a freighter on 
: „c get all the cocaine, and a couple of the dealers drowned after 
off and 5 .•■ i m a w a . . 

It wasn't always 

LIVE PEOPLE ! Chi namen 

Prohibition days, and Cubans paid during the 

Herald ran a story about a Haitian freighter 

docked, 2 or 2C dudes jumped ship 

through downtown, in all aifferent 

away, but most were caught' with 

a Little Haiti a d Id r e ssj_ . , . . u ^ 

but. w h a tab out the case of Everglaces City? In 1933, federal agaents 
blockaded the two roads into the tiny town on the west coast of Florida, and raide 
it, arresting 193 of the town's 6 CO residents, f or d r uc tr a f f i c k i nc charges ! The 
capers across the country called it the "Town gone bad", but everyone in town 
said they were just trying to find a new living with their knowledge of beats 
the Florida ccast, after the government announced a ban on commercial fishing 
the Everglaces. Fishing, and the already-banned alligator poaching were the 
town's livlyhood. The just-trying-to-make-a-living argument is the same one 
that one-armed smuggler, Harry Morgan, made, as the main character of Hemingway's 
Key West smuggling novel, TO HAVE A\0 HAVE NOT . 

The good, old boy smugglers have given way to Cartel-controlled, multi- 
national operations. Corporate smuggling still sucks! But, Florida's frontier- 
style attitude and contempt for Federal law proudly remain. As one of the agents 
who raided Everglades City said, "They ask why I'm down there bothering them. 

They act like the laws don't even apply to them like they don't even belong tc 

the United States!" Or as one of the captured smugglers put it, bet tec I think: 
"One thine I won't do is bait hooks for some Yankee fisherman!" 



just 
paid 



drugs and 
smuggl e r s 



rum, y a 
to take 



swam to 



know. Sometimes 
them into the U. 
M a r i e 1 B o a 1 1 i f t . 
coming into the 
land, and started 



so that 
got caught, and 
the Miami River 
trying to j ump 

they smuggle: 3 . E ; - 
S. from Cuba in 

Just last year t h i 
Miami River. As it 

running like hell 



directions! Many of them hailed cabs and got 
a twenty dollar bfU and a piece of paper wit 1 

. > \ 



and 
i n 






The transfer of the cocaine to ihc Colombians followed a similarly an- 
tiseptic routine designed" to avoid unnecessary contact. According to 
Cooper. "The Colombians would drive up from Miami the day before 
and check into the Holiday Inn out on Route 27. They'd leave their cars 
/ in the parking lot * ith a spare set of keys for each one. The ground crew 
would pick up the cars that evening and drive out k> a place near the held 



*->-"?»» .Y-i. 



Afier the coke arrived they would load the duffel bags into the cars* trunks 
and drive them back to the motel. Then they'd call the Colombians from) 
a nearby restaurant to say the shipment had arrived. The following mom-' 
ing the Colombians would get in their cars and take off with the coke. 
The two groups never met." 






■ip 









Ann 
deranged 
'Highway, and. 

On May 21 
and comfort to 
Day Festival", 
business early 
to check 

Der 



the early 8 0" s in Miami: Cocaine cowboy shootout s~ i rf ma ff paTkiTg iTt s ' 
men carrying their girlfriend's severed heads along South Dixie 
RAMPANT FASCISM ! 
1983, Ronald Reagan swooped into the 



a Nuremberg-style rally, thinly disguised 
I was getting ready to go out and deliver 
that afternoon, when I decided to swing a 

out the "big event." 

Fuhrer had just finished 



Magic City" to lend aid 



as a "Cuban Independen 
brochures for my dac's 
little out of my way 



believing that the U.S. was about 

in my red Honda. Traffic was at a 

through the area w a v i n q f 1 a q s and 

War!") 

I was laying low. inching along 

-.-: guys exhorting everyone to show 

car horns. After briefly considering 

passionate love for the president, I 

st j re. Big mistake. Almost immediately, six 
blazoned with Al pha -66 (militant anti-Castro 

futile attempts 

pull in, e out and 



deceiving thousands of geriatric exiles into 
to invade Cuba, when I arrived on Flagler- S t r e e 
total standstill, and hundreds of people roamed 
chanting, " G u e r r a ! Guerra! G u e r r a ! " ("War. W a r i 



to Castro's ru 
e v e r j t h i r g w a s 
o r i a 1 t h a t 
- <ercising 
radio 
o u s idiots 
"putting those 
at 1 jr a s t I can 



when I found myself beside agroup of wild 
their support for Reagan by blowing their 
a middle-fingered "salute", tc display my 
meekly settled for a simple "thumbs c: 

macho" guys in a pick-up truck 
group best known for comically 
at terrorism) signs j u m p-e d out and surrounded my car. trying t c 
^n£nU^^j]^^j^^hth^^nrQ of. One of them struck a f a t a 1 " b 1 o w 

e by heroically s u n g 1 a s s eT, too ! W e 1 l^J HQ (J Y \\I& V 

in the newspapers, including a Miami News edit- 
said "Kelley should be given a purple heart for 
Ms rights as a U.S. citizen..." Whatever. It maae 
too. and I spent weeks getting crank calls from v a i 
ling me a "fucking communist!", or thanking me fo 
damn Cubans in their place." Blecch! But. hey, 
remember that weird day 13 years ago. while some- %^T^ 

t even r e m e m b e r 



dared to be 
i different 



LINDA JONES 



*<here in B e 1 - A i r , California, Ronald Reagan can 
being spoon-fed strained carrots this morning. 




while : 

In no 
- 
America 



. , ■>- .... 
■ ■■■. nasi a proup 
'- ■ ' •'.■ Havan 

.:•:• w :j ■, 



■ mi 
1 Ri-j 



■ 
. .. 



.:'. 



■■■ 



:!ac 



■ 






"The >n>- . ;•. s!app 

.ITt "he n;hf? ■-■.■.]■ "'•■.r' --.• -••■ 

a 

K-::-. 2: . .'.•■'.. ..:•. , hi tifviT 

;',:■'- I .i wnrd "They ire--d 'n open 
my door and pull me >ut " 

Miami po i Tmfirmed thai Krl- 
ley was roue-he*! up rhf ::: mp if 
R< agai -'■ *••;-.."...■■ r apparently 
wanted him ■■■ ■■' m his i.-.r horn in 

■ ■ s .;>, [hi ' -. 

■ his \ imi in *.' 
"1 )\:s' wanted ■ ■ ■■ • - »»■ thai 
-■ ■ (•viTyoni 1 :n that crowd was a 
Ke! •■: >.nd oi 
his impulse lo thumb 
guess 1 shculdii': h.i\'' done thai " 

Ke'lej i Miami Shores resident, 

said lii- was 1 in an errand for his la. 

'he* when ho drove hi.< red Honda 

Little Havana a! about 2 Jli 

Plonin tot] BEATEN, 4A 



l-Myster-y-man-tips-pottee 
' to skull in a newspaper 






■ --.!••,■•• liut the discovery ihi 
"■;.. --I noliri u as mor»' stran^i 
human sktill, believ .--I io he rha 
pi t in a : l-\ i ar-old newspape 






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The first cigarette I smoked was in my stepmother 
'Hattiesburg, Mississippi. The first girl I kissed was 
:on tbe playground at Wood row Elementary in Hattiesburg 
first time one year later with Jessica Herzinger. My stepsister 
sr jacket and played Fugazi for lie in her new apartment. I 



s bathroom in 

named Olivia. We were 

in love for ths 
had a Danz i c 
'■■ my first 



beer in my d ac's pool at Fountainbleau apartments after my parents split up. 
Hattiesburg, Mississippi, Hattiesburg. Mississippi, Hattiesburg, Mississippi 
the asshole cf the entire United States.. 



a sweet smell on my neighborhood 
towering fern). My best friend's name 
beat up for p r a c t i c e . We decided 
we could one day. We a 1 w ays had 
with booby traps in the woods. 




The funk of the Ulysses plant hung 
("The Plant "--I thought of it as a big. 
was Patrick. We were the kids the tough 
to f ol 1 ow the ditch behind my house as far as 
schemes and -lets g o i n ' . We would build forts 
■*' 2 ' c f a • : ' ' ■ - - ky s t e .-. " with dirt and tabasco and jelly and try and make my 

ter's friends eat it. An . we followed the ditch for blocks, past Junior' 
:: Mart, past Sh .. : Pizzo. for blocks and blocks. We didn't stoo to cat of 

lsh an: nows. We were going to the end. When we came to 1-49, the di1 
ter ..as up to our waists. We slugged on under the bridcie. It was dark outside 
e v e i darker under- the bridge. We could hear the traffic thumping overhead.. 
We stopped at the other side and the bottom came out from under us; We had 
out into the dusky night and stood at the edge of a giant pond. Ever 
were giant frogs, some as big as 9 or 10 inches across... 

when" 1" was To 'Br~oo k h a v e n "m fs s?ss1 pp i" . My^'newnrst 

'■•as retarded. Her grandson beat me up on the playground 
closet. Isaw a Hustler magazine and act sick I played 
spanking. Our babysitter made us chicken sandwhiches 

friend 'sittle sister tried to get me to take off 
■ Our landlady tried to swindle 



look 

' e and my mom moved 
■ ze teacher decided 1 
put my desk in the 
a machete and got 

in. My 
on her 



';• - 



w a s 7 to 



-\ 



3.) 

a j 



ei>w 1 eft the bones 
fry clotnes and lay 



sy so we moved again 



my mom out of some 



i 



play 



nd 






> 



grade, I began a long 
spankings in school back then 
of them. I also 






/ -i 



< y b e a r c 



smel 1 ed 



career of juvenile delinquency . We sTn 
if you youngsters can b p 1 i p u a «, u I * M 
«ot to be Santa Cl.us'for i, "chw ""ch t^s"" 

er-.nd"s a chid Y.rnT.UV^^'* f»»t. We Sid a" ter 

stayed with her mv sistpr , a c I i der>y Le ' rt1 s movies with us. The l^st h^ 

frosting tittles' ."Sh *» ^ % a' I'Vol >'"< I °° U > Part0 " ""« « t b * 
shopping and came back for flln^ 1°! ^ She . w - asn ' * d °"e . so we went 

Our babysitter lady was 
is birthday. Hehad 



••• 6 



„ left. I 



cried, too 



Amanda 
screaming 
looked at 



S h e 
and crying 



us, she wasn't done, 

out. crying. My mom ran inside, 
had come home. It 



the cake and said 



Her husband 






V 



he wanted a divorce 
\tV„ ' .-■ - - 

_ 1 -J, .-• — ' —— . !A1 . 



He 



p, 







, i 



: 

a'"' 



w e n t 
after 
I 



and 



to 3rd and 4th grade. 

school camp, where they 
was the best breakdancer 



We moved back to Hattiesburg, of course 
Patrick was In my sister's grade. We went to 
played Prince records for us. They were "Satanic 

3t d, i; C e B i:ft'i;?,il»i r pSl d f« 0k tJ:'l»J 1 il« ,, ;i-L.bor Day. UK, when 1 was 10. 

and m % n, m sister^nd me moved to North Little Rock Ar ansas-- Dog w n. 

Now when 1 think about Mississippi. 1 think about drivin through it. Soutn 
on 55. East on Highway 4 at Senatobia. 14 mi l.s to Junior ^^rough s Juke 
Joint, or Burnsioe's Blues Palace. Drunk in the backseat vntn Steve o. 
Sunday night. South on Highway 1 from Greenville to Roll ng Fcrk - ""^ u 
tne Delta fields of soybeans on either side of the two lane as far as you 
can see. South on 4 9 to Hattiesburg. through the piney wood p |t the 
.„„« [lf ralvarv Yellow, white, and yellow. Holy. holy. holy, "si hjj 

■ ol r Pas Hub Lanes. Past the Holiday-Inn on your 1 ef t. Home . 
" ty rluch hiked through His s i s s i ppi for the first ,me about ar ago,^ 
the way to New Orleans. Got a couple pistols puled on me. 
55 to the next truckstop. Got a ride with a couple co ers 
1 my pinball change at truckstops, bangi.V on trailer doors 
250 miles in 30 hours; its no place to be a stran 
Patrick again, too. He started smoking cracK 
his'hand through his car window, got 
of it. He's doing piece woi 
walking around an a n t i 
last 6 years 







walk 


■ n ' 


20 


and 


ate 


up 


at 3 


i n 


the 



morn i ng 

I sa 
One night he put 
and lost the use 
f c 1 k s again. W e were 
piecing together the 
the same. We both knew e a c h c t n e r 
b c u t the smell of honeysuckle in 
of death in open air, we'd b o t h b e 
; a n .lust tell you... 



a few y a e r s back, 
it cut up pretty bad. 
k in a factory. 1 i v i n g w i t h his 
it e car show in Lake D e G r a y . 
how we both turned out 

If I could tell you 
you about the sme ' 
As it is. 



It was strange 
s stories pretty well. 
bl oom . i f I coul d tel 1 
in pretty good shape.. 




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GUESS Sca*\ |i/r5ht'¥this must be true; 

HAS ALL THE ANSWERS .' ^__ _ -JX ^_^ „ ■ 

— fm^/JKAm/ ii- / ///A fs. /•; ^. 

THEIR SUCCESS WAS FANTASTIC. 




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